Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 190
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Sat Mar 21, 2020 6:33 am

My tame bird of prey is a bit strange, only comes out at night and then performs acrobatics to 1980's music.

Our Kestral Manoeuvres In The Dark.

Shot By Both Sides
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 2:11 pm
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Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by Shot By Both Sides » Sat Mar 21, 2020 6:52 am

HAWK KESTREL MANOUEVRES IN THE LARK.

I'm sure I managed four birds before though - one seems to have flown.

PAUL BLUNDELL
Posts: 24
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Location: WINCHFIELD, HAMPSHIRE.
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Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by PAUL BLUNDELL » Sat Mar 21, 2020 7:17 am

Well done chaps. keep smiling :D

Shot By Both Sides
Posts: 181
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 2:11 pm
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Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by Shot By Both Sides » Sat Mar 21, 2020 7:27 am

PAUL BLUNDELL wrote:
Sat Mar 21, 2020 7:17 am
Well done chaps. keep smiling :D
Some of the jokes may well be programmed!

shotshammo
Posts: 68
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:44 am
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by shotshammo » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:37 am

Buzz Lightyear has split up with his girl friend, saying he needs more Space.

If your a rotten sailor, love on the rocks ain't no surprise.

"Piste Off" when your on the slippery slope.

You've never got enough money where you can be foolish with it, then along came Premiership footballers.

As an illiterate, I would like to promulgate the essentiality to obviate obscurantism from the English language.

Marriage; A matter of wife and life.

I would suggest. If you have plenty of everything, you've just been born.

Pregnancy: When the future looms large in front of you.

When there is no more slack, someone has been hung out to dry.

Football relies on footballers and foot bawlers.

Just a few of my one liners.

Birdman
Posts: 268
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:47 am
Location: Aldershot
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by Birdman » Sat Mar 21, 2020 9:20 am

shotshammo wrote:
Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:37 am
Buzz Lightyear has split up with his girl friend, saying he needs more Space.

If your a rotten sailor, love on the rocks ain't no surprise.

"Piste Off" when your on the slippery slope.

You've never got enough money where you can be foolish with it, then along came Premiership footballers.

As an illiterate, I would like to promulgate the essentiality to obviate obscurantism from the English language.

Marriage; A matter of wife and life.

I would suggest. If you have plenty of everything, you've just been born.

Pregnancy: When the future looms large in front of you.

When there is no more slack, someone has been hung out to dry.

Football relies on footballers and foot bawlers.

Just a few of my one liners.
Thank Gawd Richard Petty’s self isolating from Shotsweb. 👍



Morning, Richard. 👋

James Frazer
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 2:25 pm
Location: Alexandra Park
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by James Frazer » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:35 am

A white horse walks into Wetherspoons and trots up to the now empty bar. The barman says, “so, why the long face?”.

The barman then says “we don’t get many horses in here”. “Not surprised at these prices ” says the horse.

The barman then says “it’s funny, we have a whiskey named after you”. “What - Eric?”.

James Frazer
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 2:25 pm
Location: Alexandra Park
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by James Frazer » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:40 am

In the 60’s the Who sang “hope I die before I get old”. Now its “Young people are not ‘invincible’, WHO warns”. Not quite so catchy.

ians
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by ians » Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:26 pm

Shotto wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 7:15 am
Still working, I work in A&E. So if it helps to reassure anyone, we are preparing well with the luxury of time which the Italians didn't have.
The public are helping and staying away, allowing us some breathing space. In fact, It's the least busy period I've ever known.
Looking forward to resuming normality, with some good footie as soon as possible!
This was a nice and encouraging post and I am sure we all wish you well over the coming period.

I really do hope that the likes of yourself and other public servants are seen as the asset to this nation that they are once we eventually come through this!

mountpleasant61
Posts: 23
Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:25 pm
Re: Just to try and lighten the mood a bit

Post by mountpleasant61 » Tue Mar 24, 2020 6:33 am

A rather well endowed man wants to go to a fancy dress party so goes to a hire shop.
He gets a suit but has to go back and says the costume is not big enough to cover his requirements, so gets a bigger one.
Next day he goes back again and once more says unfortunately the suit is not big enough to cover his requirements.
The hirer then gives him the largest suit he has and off home he goes.
Next day he goes back to the hirer and once more says the suit is not big enough to cover his requirements.
The hirer then says " I suggest you throw your requirements over your shoulder and go as a petrol pump "


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