Boom Boom

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Richard Petty
Posts: 881
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Mon Mar 01, 2021 6:01 pm

A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St. George and the Dragon.
The landlady answers. "Could you give a poor man something to eat?" asks the tramp. "No!" yells the woman, slamming the door in his face.
A few minutes later, he knocks again. "Now what do you want?" the woman asks. "Could I have a few words with George?" he replies

Fuggletim
Posts: 665
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Mon Mar 01, 2021 8:29 pm

I have been married for 35 x years and my wife and I haven't ever shared a joke. I think it proves we have a serious marriage!

Shots1954
Posts: 821
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Mon Mar 01, 2021 8:47 pm

What do you call a Camel without and humps? 🐫🐪🐫
HUMPHREY

Aldershot_Rob
Posts: 595
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 4:54 pm
Location: England
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Aldershot_Rob » Mon Mar 01, 2021 9:25 pm

I met a Russian sound engineer the other day...

And a Czech one too, Czech one too

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 3995
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Mar 01, 2021 9:27 pm

I used to have a fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 3995
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Mar 02, 2021 11:33 am

My wife says she thinks we should sleep in separate beds.

Great idea! I've chosen Michelle’s, at number 23.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 3995
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Mar 02, 2021 11:39 am

My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...

'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 791
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Tue Mar 02, 2021 8:57 pm

Today my Yoga Instructor turned up drunk.

Put me in a very awkward position

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 791
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Tue Mar 02, 2021 8:58 pm

Recently I was taken to court for being to egotistical

I am appealing

Fuggletim
Posts: 665
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Mar 02, 2021 9:44 pm

I can't help thinking if The Beatles had changed the colour of their submarine in their song to green, it would have been sublime.....

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 3995
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Mar 03, 2021 10:27 am

My elderly neighbour carries out all her correspondence by email and text.
Hasn’t written a letter in years...

She's an old age pen shunner.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 3995
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Mar 03, 2021 6:00 pm

BREAKING NEWS!
The Chancellor has announced that Cadbury's have just delivered a giant chocolate bar to The Bank of England.

It’s a massive Boost for the economy.

Fuggletim
Posts: 665
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Wed Mar 03, 2021 6:45 pm

In declassified papers, the US Airforce have said their U2 "Spyplane" project failed as it never did find what it was looking for....

Richard Petty
Posts: 881
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Fri Mar 05, 2021 11:13 am

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and looked closely at the duck from head to tail. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£1,500!" she cried,"£1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £1,500."

Crowthorne
Posts: 952
Joined: Sat Mar 30, 2019 1:18 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Crowthorne » Fri Mar 05, 2021 11:43 am

Liverpool lose five home league games on the trot :lol: :lol: :lol:


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