Boom Boom

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Richard Petty
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Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:12 pm

Not a joke as such but very funny and this seemed the best thread for it

Simon Evans On Football - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up7L0xvR45o&t=45s

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:18 pm

Two blokes standing at a bar talking and one says to the other "I got a poodle for my wife the other day" and the other bloke says "I wish I could make an exchange like that".

Fuggletim
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Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Thu Feb 25, 2021 7:12 pm

I was thinking about killing off a few characters in the book I am writing. It will be an interesting autobiography I think!

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Fri Feb 26, 2021 1:49 pm

I popped into B&Q this morning and bought a tin of Fly Spray, when I got to the checkout I asked the assistant "Is this any good for Wasps". "No" he replied, "it kills them"

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Fri Feb 26, 2021 1:53 pm

6 Months ago my doctor told me I was going deaf, I haven't heard from him since

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sat Feb 27, 2021 11:05 am

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sat Feb 27, 2021 11:11 am

I went to the doctor the other day and asked him if he could recommend anything for wind, he suggested a kite.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4035
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Feb 27, 2021 12:38 pm

Had my Covid 19 vaccine yesterday and was quite surprised when the nurse jabbed me in the leg instead of the arm.
Phizer killing me this morning.
Last edited by Anon E Mouse on Sat Feb 27, 2021 6:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4035
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Feb 27, 2021 6:25 pm

I just opened my fridge and it really smells of basil...

I think it’s faulty.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4035
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Feb 28, 2021 9:56 am

I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.

The chap said "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"

I replied "Dunno, sticks I suppose?"

Fuggletim
Posts: 668
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Feb 28, 2021 10:07 am

I have a lifetime ban from the Zoo now after my dismissal. I maintain I was only following the clear signage everywhere that says:

"Do NOT feed the animals."

Richard Petty
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Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Feb 28, 2021 3:52 pm

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Feb 28, 2021 4:01 pm

When people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works?

Fuggletim
Posts: 668
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Feb 28, 2021 4:37 pm

I took my new girlfriend home to meet the family! The kids and the dog liked her, but the wife seemed really upset.....

Richard Petty
Posts: 893
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Mon Mar 01, 2021 5:55 pm

God and the devil were having an argument, and the devil proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute.
God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn’t be a fair match because all the ‘good’ players go to heaven.
The devil smiled, replying, “Yes, but we’ve got all the refs.”


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