Boom Boom

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:12 pm

Not a joke as such but very funny and this seemed the best thread for it

Simon Evans On Football - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up7L0xvR45o&t=45s

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Thu Feb 25, 2021 5:18 pm

Two blokes standing at a bar talking and one says to the other "I got a poodle for my wife the other day" and the other bloke says "I wish I could make an exchange like that".

Fuggletim · Post by **Fuggletim** » Thu Feb 25, 2021 7:12 pm

I was thinking about killing off a few characters in the book I am writing. It will be an interesting autobiography I think!

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Fri Feb 26, 2021 1:49 pm

I popped into B&Q this morning and bought a tin of Fly Spray, when I got to the checkout I asked the assistant "Is this any good for Wasps". "No" he replied, "it kills them"

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Fri Feb 26, 2021 1:53 pm

6 Months ago my doctor told me I was going deaf, I haven't heard from him since

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Sat Feb 27, 2021 11:05 am

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Sat Feb 27, 2021 11:11 am

I went to the doctor the other day and asked him if he could recommend anything for wind, he suggested a kite.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Feb 27, 2021 12:38 pm

Had my Covid 19 vaccine yesterday and was quite surprised when the nurse jabbed me in the leg instead of the arm.
Phizer killing me this morning.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Feb 27, 2021 6:25 pm

I just opened my fridge and it really smells of basil...

I think it’s faulty.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Feb 28, 2021 9:56 am

I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.

The chap said "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"

I replied "Dunno, sticks I suppose?"

Fuggletim · Post by **Fuggletim** » Sun Feb 28, 2021 10:07 am

I have a lifetime ban from the Zoo now after my dismissal. I maintain I was only following the clear signage everywhere that says:

"Do NOT feed the animals."

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Sun Feb 28, 2021 3:52 pm

I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Sun Feb 28, 2021 4:01 pm

When people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works?

Fuggletim · Post by **Fuggletim** » Sun Feb 28, 2021 4:37 pm

I took my new girlfriend home to meet the family! The kids and the dog liked her, but the wife seemed really upset.....

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Mon Mar 01, 2021 5:55 pm

God and the devil were having an argument, and the devil proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute.
God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn’t be a fair match because all the ‘good’ players go to heaven.
The devil smiled, replying, “Yes, but we’ve got all the refs.”

ShotsWeb

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