Boom Boom

[bordon shot]

OK , I was told recently that telling jokes is not a strong point of mine...So have this -

Leo, Boris, Trump, Pope Francis & Mary a ten year old Irish girl were on a flight with just 4 parachutes . As the plane went down they were short one parachute, they agreed Leo should go first when he said ‘I need to sort out the corona virus in Ireland,I need one ‘ & off he went, Boris was next and said ‘Im the smartest man in England, I simply cannot die, I have to survive’, and out he jumped with a parachute, next was Trump and he said ‘I’m need to keep America great and sort out this corona virus’ and out he jumped.. one parachute left, Pope Francis said , little Mary you take it, I have lived a good life, you are young with your whole life ahead of you... take it. Mary replied.. it’s ok Francis, there’s two parachutes left, the smartest man in England took my school bag!!


I know it’s not an improvement, but let’s keep it going during the gloom.

[Dr Jim Royle]

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

[steveshot]

Oh FFS the Dr is bored

[shots1965]

Oh FFS the Dr is bored

We will be too...anymore jokes like that

[Dr Jim Royle]

I've got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing - serves him right.
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Got millions like this

[BillB]

probably best you keep them Jimbo and probably quite a few people know where you live..............

[Dr Jim Royle]

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.
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I've moved Bill

[Anon E Mouse]

A man got shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.

Surgeons say he's now fully recovered.

[Anon E Mouse]

A court case happened recently with 2 lads accused of stealing Car Batteries and Fireworks.
After hearing all the evidence the Judge charged one and let the other one off.

I’m here all week....or at least I hope I am

[Birdman]

Mr P, I can almost sense you chomping at the bit.

[bordon shot]

I ran out of toilet paper this morning and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

[Birdman]

I ran out of toilet paper this morning and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

Did The Sun shine out of it?

[shots1965]

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed as jump leads
The bouncer on the door,says I’ll let you in..but don’t start anything

[shotshammo]

I learnt to play the Violin when I was young, to emulate my dad, he was always on the fiddle.

Inflated ego, balloon with your name on it.

I did a pirouette after my neighbour repaired my car. "One good turn deserves another".

Should I diet? There's food for thought.

I have a friend who through ill health was advised to only do light work. He now repairs Neon signs.

"That's enough groaning for now".

[Pip@B]

A court case happened recently with 2 lads accused of stealing Car Batteries and Fireworks.
After hearing all the evidence the Judge charged one and let the other one off.

I’m here all week....or at least I hope I am

That must have been a Two Ronnie's 'News' item!