Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 08, 2020 7:19 pm

I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.

But that’s just my two scents.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 08, 2020 7:20 pm

My wife said she's leaving me because apparently I'm an annoying bastard...

... I almost choked on my vuvuzela!!

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 08, 2020 10:42 pm

“How much to buy a singing ensemble?"

“You mean a choir?”

"OK... how much to acquire a singing ensemble?"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:34 am

Why can’t you play cards with a pirate? Because they are standing on the deck….

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:35 am

Which king invented the fireplace? Alfred The Grate.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:36 am

Got a friend who works in the repair section at the Swan Vesta factory. He's involved in match fixing.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:37 am

Why do metrologists pay so much attention to wispy clouds? They take them cirrus-ly.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:38 am

I opened a new box of animal crackers the other day. It said on the cover “don’t eat if seal is broken”. I checked the shapes, and it was.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:38 am

You can't run through a camp site, only ran. It's past tents.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 7:40 am

Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.

80fc
Posts: 189
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 12:20 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by 80fc » Wed Sep 09, 2020 8:45 am

I tried to smuggle a rugby ball through customs the other day. I thought it was worth a try

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:06 pm

80fc wrote:
Wed Sep 09, 2020 8:45 am
I tried to smuggle a rugby ball through customs the other day. I thought it was worth a try
:lol:

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:07 pm

My first girlfriend worked in the radiology dept at the hospital hospital. Every christmas and birthday she’d send me an X-ray of her chest...

I know it sounds a bit weird but it shows that her heart was in the right place!

80fc
Posts: 189
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 12:20 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by 80fc » Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:52 pm

Anon E Mouse wrote:
Wed Sep 09, 2020 1:07 pm
My first girlfriend worked in the radiology dept at the hospital hospital. Every christmas and birthday she’d send me an X-ray of her chest...

I know it sounds a bit weird but it shows that her heart was in the right place!
I bet she could see right through you

EastbankAndy
Posts: 289
Joined: Sun Jun 23, 2019 10:25 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by EastbankAndy » Wed Sep 09, 2020 2:15 pm

Asda installed a medical kiosk, for £10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.
He mixed tap water with dog crap, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.
When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read: "1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your ******* tennis elbow won't get better!
"Thank you for shopping at Asda "


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