Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri Sep 18, 2020 5:16 pm

My mate was telling me about the time machine he'd invented.

I wasn't listening though, it just went in one era and out the other.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri Sep 18, 2020 10:21 pm

I went to the Natural History Museum & asked how old the T-Rex skeleton was.

The curator said “66 million and seven years”.

I said “How can you be so accurate?"

He replied “When I started working here they told me it was 66 million & I’ve been here for 7 years”.

Shots1954
Posts: 323
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Sat Sep 19, 2020 9:08 am

A fella came up to me today and said, "What do you do for a living?"

I said, "I'm a spy"

He said, "Then why are you dressed like a shepherd?"

I said, "I'm a shepherd spy".....

WTF
Posts: 412
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Sat Sep 19, 2020 10:01 am

What goes a hundred miles a hour under water.
A motor pike.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:31 pm

I was sat in a cafe and my phone kept getting pictures of stews and casseroles on its screen....

Turned out I was in a wireless hotpot.....

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:31 pm

Why don't Ants get sick?

Because they have little Anty bodies.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:32 pm

I lost my job as a puppeteer for the BBC.
After I dropped a clanger !

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:32 pm

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a supermarket"

"How long have you felt like this?"
"Ever since I was Lidl".

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:33 pm

After years of being in and out of prison I've now settled down and have a job repairing bent archery equipment.
Yep, I'm on the straighten arrow.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:38 pm

Was at a climbing center the other day, but someone had stolen all the grips from the wall.
You couldn’t make it up!

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:39 pm

I just finished building a car using a motor from a washing machine. I'm going to take it for a spin later....

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:40 pm

My Mum's sister stalks the neighbourhood all night with a baseball bat

She's a vigil auntie

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:41 pm

I lost my job at the bank. It’s a shame, I was taking home £250,000 a week...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:43 pm

I went into a fancy dress shop and asked for a vampire outfit. The assistant came back with a full Fulham football kit ..

I said, "I think that you have misheard me love, I said that I want to look like a Count!"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2676
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Sep 19, 2020 5:45 pm

I've just dropped the colander on the floor, I went to pick it up and strained myself !


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