Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Thu May 07, 2020 9:09 pm

shots1965 wrote:
Thu May 07, 2020 7:01 pm
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

Want to hear a roof joke? The first one's on the house.

What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go straight for the juggler.

Why don't koalas count as bears? They don't have the right
koalafications.

A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.

A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. The librarian says, "This is a library." The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."

Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn't like it when she went the extra mile.

What do you get when you pour root beer into a square cup? Beer.

A group of crows was arrested for hanging out together. The charge? Attempted murder.

How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints.

Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine's Day to dance? The Meat Ball!

What time does a duck wake up? The quack of down
.
Some people eat snails. They must not like fast food
.
Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

It's always windy in a sports area. All those fans
.
How do mountains stay warm in the winter? Snowcaps.

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.

What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!

What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me!
Wow. That’s a weeks worth all in one go 🤣.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Thu May 07, 2020 11:04 pm

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Fuggletim
Posts: 211
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Thu May 07, 2020 11:22 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road? To comply with "Social Distancing" guidelines...

shotshammo
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:44 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by shotshammo » Fri May 08, 2020 8:47 am

What's the similarity between a lousy comedian and a our centre forward, they both need shooting.
Do I win the competition for the worst joke?

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri May 08, 2020 8:54 am

shotshammo wrote:
Fri May 08, 2020 8:47 am
What's the similarity between a lousy comedian and a our centre forward, they both need shooting.
Do I win the competition for the worst joke?
Definitely not :lol:

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat May 09, 2020 11:18 am

Police are hunting for the 'Knitting Needle Nutter'
...who stabbed six people in the backside recently.

They believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern

BillB
Posts: 152
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2007 1:04 pm
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
Re: Boom Boom

Post by BillB » Sat May 09, 2020 2:48 pm

you left the best one 'till last Mouse............

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat May 09, 2020 3:24 pm

BillB wrote:
Sat May 09, 2020 2:48 pm
you left the best one 'till last Mouse............
O I’m not finished yet Bill :o :o

Fuggletim
Posts: 211
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sat May 09, 2020 6:22 pm

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub.

Well that will be the day, eh?

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat May 09, 2020 10:11 pm

The last time I visited Blackpool I went on a Donkey.

It took me 23 Days to get there.

SHOTSMAN68
Posts: 121
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:43 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by SHOTSMAN68 » Sun May 10, 2020 7:56 pm

paddy works on a building site and wants a day off so he says to murphy im going to pretend to be mad so paddy climbs the rafters and hangs upside down and shouts out im a light bulb the works foreman says paddy have you gone mad and sends him home murphy starts to pack up his kit to leave as well when the foreman says where do you think your going murphy to which murphy replies i cant work in the feckin dark

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 669
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon May 11, 2020 8:30 am

I’m currently addicted to drinking brake fluid.

But it’s ok as I can stop whenever I want.

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 247
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Mon May 11, 2020 8:17 pm

I have decided that when I die, I'd like to go like my Grandfather did, peacefully in deep sleep.

NOT screaming, crying and yelling like the passengers on his bus were.

shotshammo
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:44 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by shotshammo » Tue May 12, 2020 8:13 am

What's the similarity between someone who is unlucky in love and a poor golfer.
They both seem attracted to the rough.

BillB
Posts: 152
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2007 1:04 pm
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
Re: Boom Boom

Post by BillB » Tue May 12, 2020 9:03 am

I've never played golf [Te! He! He! He!]


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