Boom Boom

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Shots1954
Posts: 649
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 01, 2021 10:48 am

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.

I'm now in hospital, waiting to be seen...

Shots1954
Posts: 649
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 01, 2021 10:49 am

What is it with people that won’t embrace modern technology?

Answers on a postcard please.

Fuggletim
Posts: 529
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Fri Jan 01, 2021 6:00 pm

I don't think I am pessimistic, but if there was a competition to find out, I would probably come last.

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Fri Jan 01, 2021 8:01 pm

Can't believe I got sacked on my very first day as a signwirter!

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Fri Jan 01, 2021 8:08 pm

Why do elephants paint their toenails Pink? So they can hide in a cherry tree without being seen.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No?
Shows It works, then!

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Fri Jan 01, 2021 8:10 pm

My new sweater was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Fri Jan 01, 2021 8:11 pm

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner, so I took the battery out of the smoke alarm. 😆

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Fri Jan 01, 2021 8:12 pm

Why is it that when someone says ‘phenomenon’

I always feel like singing a Muppets song?

Fuggletim
Posts: 529
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Fri Jan 01, 2021 9:54 pm

My Aunt died today at 11:15. It was strange, but her old Grandfather Clock stopped at exactly the same time. I wonder if that was because it fell on her at that time?

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:39 am

Derek asked the parachute shop owner, "What will happen if it doesn't open?" He said, "Bring it back with the receipt and we will refund you."

What a decent bloke, you can't argue with that.

Shots1954
Posts: 649
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Mon Jan 04, 2021 9:06 am

I got the sack from the ice cream factory because I refused to work on a sundae!

Shots1954
Posts: 649
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Mon Jan 04, 2021 9:07 am

Lighting strikes in the same place
Yes it does my dad was struck by lightning twice
You want to know how he felt afterwards?
Well shocked!

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Mon Jan 04, 2021 9:18 pm

Can anyone remember the chiropractor joke I put on here about a week back?

Somerset Shot
Posts: 173
Joined: Wed Jan 24, 2007 10:49 pm
Location: Somerset
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Somerset Shot » Tue Jan 05, 2021 5:43 pm

A woman is on a winter walk and passes a farm where she sees a distraught farmer surveying a field full of cows all frozen stiff. The woman rushes over, dramatically waves her arms in the air and every cow immediately defrosts.
“Wow, thank you! Are you a magician?” asks the farmer.
“No, I’m Thora Hird”.

WTF
Posts: 632
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Wed Jan 06, 2021 6:44 pm

When I get older I’d like to become a plumber.... pipe dream!


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