Boom Boom

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Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:42 am

My mate Dave’s probationary employment period at the local pharmacy ended yesterday when a customer came up to him and said "I've got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it's going to explode. Have you got anything?"

Apparently he shouldn't have said "No mate, I feel fine"

Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:43 am

"Why do you never pay full attention to anything I say?" Asked the wife.
"I do," I replied, "I'm just trying to think of something to post on Twitter."
"Something to Tweet?" She asked.
"That would be great!" I replied, "I'll have a bacon sandwich."

Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:45 am

After a traffic Warden's funeral, the coffin was being lowered into the grave and a knocking was heard from inside it.Then a voice called out, 'I'm alive! '
The priest replied, 'Sorry my son but the paperwork has been completed! '

Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:46 am

The new Flintstones movie has been released across the middle east to mixed reviews. The audiences in Dubai don't like it very much but those in Abu Dhabi Doo.

Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:47 am

During lockdown,I’ve been making yachts up in my loft..sales are through the roof!

Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:49 am

Just heard that the local prosthetics shop is changing hands...

Shots1954
Posts: 752
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:50 am

I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy.
It gave me a good run for my money.

Richard Petty
Posts: 629
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Fri Jan 22, 2021 5:44 pm

My father couldn't stop drawing during the war, he got hit with a Doodlebug

Fuggletim
Posts: 592
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:22 pm

I have always been surprised how they get film crews to work on James Bond films considering a cameraman always gets shot in the opening sequence....

Richard Petty
Posts: 629
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sat Jan 23, 2021 11:27 am

Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and think "Do you know what I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was"

Fuggletim
Posts: 592
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sat Jan 23, 2021 10:34 pm

I told my new girlfriend that I had a company vehicle which costs £500k and I travel a lot on company expenses!

I don't know why she got so disappointed when she found I worked as a bus driver for Stagecoach.......

Note: This joke is based on a mate of mine some 40 x years ago boasting he had a Mercedes Coupe! He did; it was a 207d Van!

Fuggletim
Posts: 592
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Jan 24, 2021 7:22 pm

Following Brexit, how much space is freed up on a EU laptop? 1 x GB!

WTF
Posts: 705
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:30 am

My granddaughter Eva came up to me and said” Make a noise like a frog , Granddad.”
So I said “Why on Earth do you want me to do that?”
She replied “ Daddy told me that when you croak we are all going to Disneyland!”

WTF
Posts: 705
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:30 am

I’m looking for a pun concerning carpentry.

Does anyone know one that woodwork?

WTF
Posts: 705
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:31 am

I heard if you push the accelerator and brake pedal at the same time your car takes a screenshot.
Is this true?


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