Boom Boom

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:42 am

My mate Dave’s probationary employment period at the local pharmacy ended yesterday when a customer came up to him and said "I've got a blocked nose, a sore throat and my head feels like it's going to explode. Have you got anything?"

Apparently he shouldn't have said "No mate, I feel fine"

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:43 am

"Why do you never pay full attention to anything I say?" Asked the wife.
"I do," I replied, "I'm just trying to think of something to post on Twitter."
"Something to Tweet?" She asked.
"That would be great!" I replied, "I'll have a bacon sandwich."

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:45 am

After a traffic Warden's funeral, the coffin was being lowered into the grave and a knocking was heard from inside it.Then a voice called out, 'I'm alive! '
The priest replied, 'Sorry my son but the paperwork has been completed! '

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:46 am

The new Flintstones movie has been released across the middle east to mixed reviews. The audiences in Dubai don't like it very much but those in Abu Dhabi Doo.

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:47 am

During lockdown,I’ve been making yachts up in my loft..sales are through the roof!

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:49 am

Just heard that the local prosthetics shop is changing hands...

Shots1954 · Post by **Shots1954** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:50 am

I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy.
It gave me a good run for my money.

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 5:44 pm

My father couldn't stop drawing during the war, he got hit with a Doodlebug

Fuggletim · Post by **Fuggletim** » Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:22 pm

I have always been surprised how they get film crews to work on James Bond films considering a cameraman always gets shot in the opening sequence....

Richard Petty · Post by **Richard Petty** » Sat Jan 23, 2021 11:27 am

Do you ever get half way through eating a horse and think "Do you know what I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was"

Fuggletim · Post by **Fuggletim** » Sat Jan 23, 2021 10:34 pm

I told my new girlfriend that I had a company vehicle which costs £500k and I travel a lot on company expenses!

I don't know why she got so disappointed when she found I worked as a bus driver for Stagecoach.......

Note: This joke is based on a mate of mine some 40 x years ago boasting he had a Mercedes Coupe! He did; it was a 207d Van!

Fuggletim · Post by **Fuggletim** » Sun Jan 24, 2021 7:22 pm

Following Brexit, how much space is freed up on a EU laptop? 1 x GB!

WTF · Post by **WTF** » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:30 am

My granddaughter Eva came up to me and said” Make a noise like a frog , Granddad.”
So I said “Why on Earth do you want me to do that?”
She replied “ Daddy told me that when you croak we are all going to Disneyland!”

WTF · Post by **WTF** » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:30 am

I’m looking for a pun concerning carpentry.

Does anyone know one that woodwork?

WTF · Post by **WTF** » Mon Jan 25, 2021 10:31 am

I heard if you push the accelerator and brake pedal at the same time your car takes a screenshot.
Is this true?

ShotsWeb

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