Boom Boom

[Richard Petty]

I'm not saying my mates baby was ugly but his wife only started getting morning sickness after it was born

[Richard Petty]

A man went to his doctor and said "I want to have a vasectomy"
"That' a big decision" said the doctor, "have you discussed it with your family"
"Yes" replied the man, "they are in favour 15 to 2"

[HarryTom]

A man went to his doctor and said "I want to have a vasectomy"
"That' a big decision" said the doctor, "have you discussed it with your family"
"Yes" replied the man, "they are in favour 15 to 2"

This one made me laugh Richard

[Old Bob]

What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.

That was the first joke I ever heard, when I was aged about 6!

Blimey they did jokes 100 years ago

[Anon E Mouse]

I’m thinking of starting up a new business recycling discarded chewing gum.

I just need some help getting it off the ground...

[Anon E Mouse]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground...

We went from Barking to Tooting in half an hour.

[Fuggletim]

I was also on the Tube the other day when another passenger asked me how to get to Upminster via Barking?

I pointed to his map and said "Woof, woof!"

[Anon E Mouse]

I had pancakes at Meatloaf’s house once but they tasted really awful.

Like a batter out of hell...

[Anon E Mouse]

Is it just me or have pancakes not tasted the same since Jif changed to Cif

[Anon E Mouse]

Last year I had to steal something to stir my pancake batter with...

But it was a whisk I was willing to take.

[Richard Petty]

Lets try and lift the mood a little


What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there any such thing as a dog.

[Richard Petty]

If you want to find out who loves you more your wife or your dog, stick them both in the boot of your car for an hour.
When you open the boot, see who is the happiest to see you?

[Richard Petty]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

[Birdman]

If you want to find out who loves you more your wife or your dog, stick them both in the boot of your car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, see who is the happiest to see you?

‘Boot, trunk’? Make yer mind up, Richard.

[Richard Petty]

If you want to find out who loves you more your wife or your dog, stick them both in the boot of your car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, see who is the happiest to see you?

‘Boot, trunk’? Make yer mind up, Richard.

It was an American joke, I translated the first line but forgot about the second line

At least I didn't call the car an automobile