Boom Boom

[Anon E Mouse]

What do you call a dog in a submarine?

A subwoofer.

[Fuggletim]

It's a little known fact that Charles Dickens originally published "A Tale of Two Cities" in 2 x different newspapers.

They were "The Bicester Times" and "The Worcester Times."

[Anon E Mouse]

When one door closes, another one opens...

That's when you realise that you've bought a really bad second hand car!

[Old Bob]

I was also on the Tube the other day when another passenger asked me how to get to Upminster via Barking?

I pointed to his map and said "Woof, woof!"

Just don't try to make a Piccadilly Line joke about Cockfosters, Tim

[Old Bob]

I was also on the Tube the other day when another passenger asked me how to get to Upminster via Barking?

I pointed to his map and said "Woof, woof!"

Just don't try to make a Piccadilly Line joke about Cockfosters, Tim

And then there was the chicken farmer travelling on the train with a couple of his birds when the ticket inspector came through. Needing both hands free to get his ticket from his pocket, he turned to the lady in the seat next to him and politely asked: "Excuse me, madam, would please take my cock and pullet?"

[Fuggletim]

I was also on the Tube the other day when another passenger asked me how to get to Upminster via Barking?

I pointed to his map and said "Woof, woof!"

Just don't try to make a Piccadilly Line joke about Cockfosters, Tim

Wasn't going to, but as you mention it, there was the old Paul Hogan joke from a TV advert where he was asked by a foreign tourist about "How do you get to Cockfosters?" to which the reply was:

"Serve it warm mate!"

[Old Bob]

It's a little known fact that Charles Dickens originally published "A Tale of Two Cities" in 2 x different newspapers.

They were "The Bicester Times" and "The Worcester Times."

Charles Dickens was doing so well with his writing until he came up with that silly theory of evolution.

[Old Bob]

I was also on the Tube the other day when another passenger asked me how to get to Upminster via Barking?

I pointed to his map and said "Woof, woof!"

Just don't try to make a Piccadilly Line joke about Cockfosters, Tim

Wasn't going to, but as you mention it, there was the old Paul Hogan joke from a TV advert where he was asked by a foreign tourist about "How do you get to Cockfosters?" to which the reply was:

"Serve it warm mate!"

That wasn't the one I had in mind

[Anon E Mouse]

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius
But his brother Frank was a monster

[Anon E Mouse]

I've finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.

He’s a Bordeaux Collie

And yes, he paws it himself...

[Anon E Mouse]

Doctors have said that to cure my dyslexia I need an Injection in my penis.

Or was it my spine?

[Fuggletim]

Heard that the local theatre cancelled their Pantomime, Snow White. There is a shortage of dwarfs apparently.

[Anon E Mouse]

The man who invented ‘cats eyes’ got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat reflected in his headlights.

If the cat had been going the other way, he would have invented the pencil sharpener...

[Anon E Mouse]

I once bought an Elvis record at the market called ‘Wooden Leg’.

I said to the man ‘I thought it was called ‘Wooden Heart’ ?’

He said ‘Yes, but this is a pirate copy...’

[Fuggletim]

I went to Halford today to see if they had any books on how to fix the automatic transmission on my Ford. They said they only had manuals unfortunately.....