Boom Boom

[Fuggletim]

I asked my daughter if she could get me my newspaper from the kitchen. She told me that newspapers were so 20th Century and I should start using IT.

Although I killed the fly, I don't think the iPad will work again.

[bordon shot]

Just back from the doctors. "What's wrong", she said,
I have a problem with pain down below I said,
"Well drop your pants" she said, she had a good old feel of my privates and then said "There's nothing wrong there",
I said I know i think,I've got an ingrowing toenail".

[Fuggletim]

I found a mole a while back. It wasn't looking too good, and after a week it was starting to look worse and was a bit odorous. A week later on, it had shrivelled, but had started looking quite crusty. As such I thought I had better get it looked at.

The Vet told me that he thought it had been dead for about 2 x weeks by the time I took it there.

[Anon E Mouse]

This morning I stood naked looking in the Mirror and I thought to myself;

"Any moment now I'm going to get kicked out of this newsagents..."

[Richard Petty]

The thing I don't like about Shopping centres is that when you've seen one you've seen a mall

[Richard Petty]

I got stopped in the street by a group of robed men chanting who said they worshiped healthy bacteria, I told them "Sorry I am not interested in Yakult

[Richard Petty]

Not a joke as such but very funny and this seemed the best thread for it

Simon Evans On Football - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up7L0xvR45o&t=45s

[Richard Petty]

Two blokes standing at a bar talking and one says to the other "I got a poodle for my wife the other day" and the other bloke says "I wish I could make an exchange like that".

[Fuggletim]

I was thinking about killing off a few characters in the book I am writing. It will be an interesting autobiography I think!

[Richard Petty]

I popped into B&Q this morning and bought a tin of Fly Spray, when I got to the checkout I asked the assistant "Is this any good for Wasps". "No" he replied, "it kills them"

[Richard Petty]

6 Months ago my doctor told me I was going deaf, I haven't heard from him since

[Richard Petty]

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it - it was a shihtzu.

[Richard Petty]

I went to the doctor the other day and asked him if he could recommend anything for wind, he suggested a kite.

[Anon E Mouse]

Had my Covid 19 vaccine yesterday and was quite surprised when the nurse jabbed me in the leg instead of the arm.
Phizer killing me this morning.

[Anon E Mouse]

I just opened my fridge and it really smells of basil...

I think it’s faulty.