Boom Boom

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Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Mar 25, 2021 11:48 am

THANK YOU BORDON SHOT I meant to post this back on Tuesday when this thread was exactly one year old but I forgot .

I think its well deserved to thank Bordon Shot for starting this thread back on the 23rd March last year on that first day of lockdown its been great to have all the jokes that we have had on here for over a year and amazingly when you think about it not as many repeated ones as you might have expected.

Thanks also for all those who have contributed and given us so many laughs during such a strange year and I am sure like me others will have used the jokes from here to send on to other people so its not just Shotsweb readers who have benefited. Someone did say recently that my jokes had improved over the last year, this thread is why :lol:


So here's one for today

My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman. Useless surgeon

Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Mar 25, 2021 12:10 pm

I once had a job selling security alarms door to door. I was really good at it, if no one was at home I just used to leave a brochure on the kitchen table

Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Mar 25, 2021 12:13 pm

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Fuggletim
Posts: 661
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Thu Mar 25, 2021 6:20 pm

The Government have announced that repair work on Big Ben has fallen behind schedule. Engineers will be working around the clock to get the programme back on time!

Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Mar 25, 2021 6:30 pm

Fuggletim wrote:
Thu Mar 25, 2021 6:20 pm
The Government have announced that repair work on Big Ben has fallen behind schedule. Engineers will be working around the clock to get the programme back on time!
The foreman responsible for allowing the work to fall behind schedule has claimed that on the face of it he could have done with a hand to get the job done but he still got a ticking off for wasting time.

Fuggletim
Posts: 661
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Thu Mar 25, 2021 7:55 pm

Another issue has been trying to get workers in certain areas of the clock tower to be able to work in close proximity with each other.

A spokesperson said that it was all about "Hands, face, space."

Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Thu Mar 25, 2021 8:27 pm

Fuggletim wrote:
Thu Mar 25, 2021 7:55 pm
Another issue has been trying to get workers in certain areas of the clock tower to be able to work in close proximity with each other.

A spokesperson said that it was all about "Hands, face, space."
That's absolutely brilliant 😂

Fuggletim
Posts: 661
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Thu Mar 25, 2021 9:45 pm

Thank you! Think I better go and lie down now...

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 787
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Fri Mar 26, 2021 9:04 am

"When I lose the TV controller, it's always hidden in some remote destination."

"Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe."

"If someone from Holland married a Filipino, would their kids be Hollopinio's?

FACT - They are not making Yardsticks any longer.

I just ate FOUR cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti, boy, do I have some vowel movement now.

FACT - When women reach a certain age in life they start to collect cats. It is call The Many Paws

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo ? A Pouch Potato.

Unlike Mr Petty, my puns do not get better with age and I think Bordon Shot has a lot to answer for starting this thread :lol:

Fuggletim
Posts: 661
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Fri Mar 26, 2021 7:32 pm

Two tectonic plates bumped into each other. One apologised and said it was their fault....

Fuggletim
Posts: 661
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sat Mar 27, 2021 9:42 am

Suggestions today that "Greggs" are to trial a delivery service by drone have been dismissed by a spokesperson as "....pie in the sky."

Shots1954
Posts: 820
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:02 am

Back in the days of tanners and bobs,
When Mothers had patience and Fathers had jobs.
When football team families wore hand me down shoes,
And T.V gave only two channels to chose.
Back in the days of three penny bits,
when schools employed nurses to search for your nits.
When snowballs were harmless; ice slides were permitted
and all of your jumpers were warm and hand knitted.
Back in the days of hot ginger beers,
when children remained so for more than six years.
When children respected what older folks said,
and pot was a thing you kept under your bed.
Back in the days of Listen with Mother,
when neighbours were friendly and talked to each other.
When cars were so rare you could play in the street.
When Doctors made house calls; Police walked the beat.
Back in the days of Milligan's Goons,
when butter was butter and songs all had tunes.
It was dumplings for dinner and trifle for tea,
and your annual break was a day by the sea.
Back in the days of Dixon's Dock Green,
Crackerjack pens and Lyons ice cream.
When children could freely wear National Health glasses,
and teachers all stood at the FRONT of their classes
Back in the days of rocking and reeling,
when mobiles were things that you hung from the ceiling.
When woodwork and pottery got taught in schools,
and everyone dreamed of a win on the pools.
Back in the days when I was a lad,
I can't help but smile for the fun that I had.
Hopscotch and roller skates; snowballs to lob.
Back in the days of tanners and bobs. 👫

Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:16 am

Shots1954 wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:02 am
Back in the days of tanners and bobs,
When Mothers had patience and Fathers had jobs.
When football team families wore hand me down shoes,
And T.V gave only two channels to chose.
Back in the days of three penny bits,
when schools employed nurses to search for your nits.
When snowballs were harmless; ice slides were permitted
and all of your jumpers were warm and hand knitted.
Back in the days of hot ginger beers,
when children remained so for more than six years.
When children respected what older folks said,
and pot was a thing you kept under your bed.
Back in the days of Listen with Mother,
when neighbours were friendly and talked to each other.
When cars were so rare you could play in the street.
When Doctors made house calls; Police walked the beat.
Back in the days of Milligan's Goons,
when butter was butter and songs all had tunes.
It was dumplings for dinner and trifle for tea,
and your annual break was a day by the sea.
Back in the days of Dixon's Dock Green,
Crackerjack pens and Lyons ice cream.
When children could freely wear National Health glasses,
and teachers all stood at the FRONT of their classes
Back in the days of rocking and reeling,
when mobiles were things that you hung from the ceiling.
When woodwork and pottery got taught in schools,
and everyone dreamed of a win on the pools.
Back in the days when I was a lad,
I can't help but smile for the fun that I had.
Hopscotch and roller skates; snowballs to lob.
Back in the days of tanners and bobs. 👫
Now that's quality reminiscing Shots1954, it actually brought back some of the images :D

Richard Petty
Posts: 864
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:22 am

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Shots1954
Posts: 820
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:23 am

Richard Petty wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 11:16 am
Shots1954 wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:02 am
Back in the days of tanners and bobs,
When Mothers had patience and Fathers had jobs.
When football team families wore hand me down shoes,
And T.V gave only two channels to chose.
Back in the days of three penny bits,
when schools employed nurses to search for your nits.
When snowballs were harmless; ice slides were permitted
and all of your jumpers were warm and hand knitted.
Back in the days of hot ginger beers,
when children remained so for more than six years.
When children respected what older folks said,
and pot was a thing you kept under your bed.
Back in the days of Listen with Mother,
when neighbours were friendly and talked to each other.
When cars were so rare you could play in the street.
When Doctors made house calls; Police walked the beat.
Back in the days of Milligan's Goons,
when butter was butter and songs all had tunes.
It was dumplings for dinner and trifle for tea,
and your annual break was a day by the sea.
Back in the days of Dixon's Dock Green,
Crackerjack pens and Lyons ice cream.
When children could freely wear National Health glasses,
and teachers all stood at the FRONT of their classes
Back in the days of rocking and reeling,
when mobiles were things that you hung from the ceiling.
When woodwork and pottery got taught in schools,
and everyone dreamed of a win on the pools.
Back in the days when I was a lad,
I can't help but smile for the fun that I had.
Hopscotch and roller skates; snowballs to lob.
Back in the days of tanners and bobs. 👫
Now that's quality reminiscing Shots1954, it actually brought back some of the images :D
Saturday morning pictures? As well lol 👍


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