Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Jun 22, 2020 8:44 am

I said to my wife, "Surely it can’t rain again today?"
She replied, "Yes it can, and don’t call me Shirley!"

I'd forgotten to take my phone off Airplane mode.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Jun 22, 2020 3:29 pm

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Jun 22, 2020 3:30 pm

My mate down the allotment swears by horse manure on his rhubarb.
Personally, I much prefer custard !

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Jun 22, 2020 6:03 pm

I saw a bloke in a golf buggy parking in the disabled bay at the supermarket.

I thought to myself "I wonder what his handicap is?"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Jun 22, 2020 9:18 pm

I often get a 147 when I play snooker. It’s the bus that stops outside the hall.

Shot By Both Sides
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shot By Both Sides » Tue Jun 23, 2020 8:21 am

Two for the price of one.

Image

Should read "ON my knee" obvs, hate typos.

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 342
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Tue Jun 23, 2020 12:00 pm

From next week I’m going to dress up as a different bread each day.

Roll on Monday

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 23, 2020 1:44 pm

Son ‘Dad why is my sister called Paris’ ?

Dad ‘that because she was conceived in Paris France’

Son ‘ah ok Dad‘

Dad ‘that’s no problem Quarantine’ .

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 23, 2020 1:46 pm

I don’t do drink or drugs anymore.

At my age I get the same effect just standing up too quick.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 23, 2020 11:40 pm

My dad's sister made a weird sound like a snake when she took her anti-allergy medication.
Auntie hissed, I mean.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 23, 2020 11:48 pm

Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It’s really time consuming, especially if you go for seconds

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jun 24, 2020 9:01 am

I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.

We’re currently filming the pilot.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jun 24, 2020 11:20 am

Not happy with my camping insurance.

Apparently If someone steals my tent in the night..

I'll no longer be covered.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jun 24, 2020 11:28 am

This one’s from a friend :wink:

I have found a new exercise for very lazy people its called ‘Diddly Squats’ :D

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 1495
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jun 24, 2020 11:37 am

I tried to remarry my ex wife but she figured I was only after my money.

Ps I’m on Holiday this week btw :D 🌞🍺


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