Boom Boom

[Shot By Both Sides]

I got asked out by a blind woman but I told her I was already seeing someone.

[Anon E Mouse]

My pet mouse Elvis died today.

He was caught in a trap.

[Shot By Both Sides]

I woke up one day on a desert island. As I awoke, I saw that the sky was purple. I sat up and looked around, and the beach, the palm trees, the mountains were all purple. I looked out to sea, and the water was purple. Then it dawned on me...

I'd been marooned...

[Anon E Mouse]

I woke up one day on a desert island. As I awoke, I saw that the sky was purple. I sat up and looked around, and the beach, the palm trees, the mountains were all purple. I looked out to sea, and the water was purple. Then it dawned on me...

I'd been marooned...

Marooned ? I’ll have a pint of ale

[Anon E Mouse]

I used to wear shoes made from pasta but threw them away so that I could reduce my carbonara footprint.

[Anon E Mouse]

My wife has been mad at me for 3 weeks now because I didn’t open the car door and help her mother out.

I told her I’m sorry but I just panicked and swam for the surface!

[Anon E Mouse]

My wife has a weird ocd where she has to arrange our plates in order of how much they cost. It’s a rare dish order.

[Anon E Mouse]

A man goes to a fancy dress party with a naked woman on his back. "What have you come as ?" the host asks. "I'm a turtle ..... and this is Michelle"

[Fuggletim]

Scientists have discovered that cats cannot transmit Covid19 to Humans. A "Spokesfeline" said "But we would if we could."

[Anon E Mouse]

A waitress screamed "Does anyone know CPR?"

I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet"

Everyone laughed..

Well everyone except this one guy

[Fuggletim]

Met this nice girl who works at the fish counter at Sainsbury's. She has just invited me round to her plaice...

[Shot By Both Sides]

I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

[Birdman]

I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

MOUSEY ...., is ‘e nickin’ yer jokes?

[Dr Jim Royle]

BREAKING NEWS

There was an accident on the M1 this morning involving a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, finally a red lorry and then a yellow lorry.

A Police spokesperson said the the press 'There is no easy way of to say this ............. '

[Dr Jim Royle]

BREAKING NEWS

There was an accident on the M1 this morning involving a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, finally a red lorry and then a yellow lorry.

A Police spokesperson said to the the press 'There is no easy way of to say this ............. '