Boom Boom

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Shot By Both Sides
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shot By Both Sides » Tue Jun 30, 2020 5:53 am

I got asked out by a blind woman but I told her I was already seeing someone.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:01 am

My pet mouse Elvis died today.

He was caught in a trap.

Shot By Both Sides
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shot By Both Sides » Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:44 am

I woke up one day on a desert island. As I awoke, I saw that the sky was purple. I sat up and looked around, and the beach, the palm trees, the mountains were all purple. I looked out to sea, and the water was purple. Then it dawned on me...

I'd been marooned...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:19 am

Shot By Both Sides wrote:
Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:44 am
I woke up one day on a desert island. As I awoke, I saw that the sky was purple. I sat up and looked around, and the beach, the palm trees, the mountains were all purple. I looked out to sea, and the water was purple. Then it dawned on me...

I'd been marooned...
Marooned ? I’ll have a pint of ale 🍺

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 11:49 am

I used to wear shoes made from pasta but threw them away so that I could reduce my carbonara footprint.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 11:51 am

My wife has been mad at me for 3 weeks now because I didn’t open the car door and help her mother out.

I told her I’m sorry but I just panicked and swam for the surface!

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 12:18 pm

My wife has a weird ocd where she has to arrange our plates in order of how much they cost. It’s a rare dish order.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:17 pm

A man goes to a fancy dress party with a naked woman on his back. "What have you come as ?" the host asks. "I'm a turtle ..... and this is Michelle"

Fuggletim
Posts: 351
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Jun 30, 2020 6:40 pm

Scientists have discovered that cats cannot transmit Covid19 to Humans. A "Spokesfeline" said "But we would if we could."😺

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2102
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:53 pm

A waitress screamed "Does anyone know CPR?"

I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet"

Everyone laughed..

Well everyone except this one guy

Fuggletim
Posts: 351
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Jun 30, 2020 10:35 pm

Met this nice girl who works at the fish counter at Sainsbury's. She has just invited me round to her plaice...

Shot By Both Sides
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shot By Both Sides » Wed Jul 01, 2020 5:12 am

I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Birdman
Posts: 1013
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:47 am
Location: Aldershot
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Birdman » Wed Jul 01, 2020 7:59 am

Shot By Both Sides wrote:
Wed Jul 01, 2020 5:12 am
I refused to believe my roadworker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
MOUSEY ...., is ‘e nickin’ yer jokes?

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 419
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Wed Jul 01, 2020 8:23 am

BREAKING NEWS

There was an accident on the M1 this morning involving a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, finally a red lorry and then a yellow lorry.

A Police spokesperson said the the press 'There is no easy way of to say this ............. '

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 419
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Wed Jul 01, 2020 9:43 am

Dr Jim Royle wrote:
Wed Jul 01, 2020 8:23 am
BREAKING NEWS

There was an accident on the M1 this morning involving a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, finally a red lorry and then a yellow lorry.

A Police spokesperson said to the the press 'There is no easy way of to say this ............. '


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