Boom Boom

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 12:38 pm

Due to an unfortunate spacing error while booking my recent holiday I will be spending a week on The Norfolk B roads

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 12:39 pm

I sold my guitar to a bloke with no arms recently.
I asked him how it was going to work, he replied.....

'I'm going to play it by ear'."

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 12:40 pm

Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my bad spine?

It was about a weak back.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 1:37 pm

Have to say I'm slightly peeved that the makers of Head and Shoulders haven't produced a body wash called Knees and Toes yet.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 7:35 pm

Overheard conversation.

"Oi mate, can I use your chloroform?"

"Of course mate, knock yourself out"!!

Dr Jim Royle · Post by **Dr Jim Royle** » Sat Jul 11, 2020 10:05 pm

I was telling a friend that I’m off to see a Charlie Chaplin movie in Devon.

He said, “Torquay ?”

I said, “No, it’s a silent one”

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 12:26 am

I won 2nd prize in a competition, and received a map of the night sky.
It was a constellation prize

Dr Jim Royle · Post by **Dr Jim Royle** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 6:14 am

Where did it go? Not had it long. I was only there yesterday. The scarecrow will be lonely. Blimey, I only rented the allotment last week.

No doubting, I've lost the plot.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 11:11 am

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

When I was kid, my social network was called "outside".

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 11:12 am

I let the kids play with our Scrabble game, it was going really well, then they decided to throw the tiles around.

I shouted "It's all fun and game's until somebody loses an I"...

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 11:14 am

My friend Jack reckons he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 3:59 pm

Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas...

Can't believe the currant exchange rate!

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 4:01 pm

My wife has just called me to go upstairs, because she says she's going to put a black lace number on...

Brilliant, I really love Agadoo!

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 4:02 pm

Walking by the fridge, I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song...

Turns out it was just the chives talking!

Anon E Mouse · Post by **Anon E Mouse** » Sun Jul 12, 2020 4:02 pm

Got caught stealing a leg of lamb from Tesco.

Security: "What are you doing with that?"

Me: "Mash, peas and gravy!"

ShotsWeb

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