Boom Boom

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lanternhall
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:37 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by lanternhall » Tue Jul 14, 2020 6:23 pm

Anon E Mouse wrote:
Mon Jul 13, 2020 10:15 pm
I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out, She'd lost all her holiday money I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50. I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in the carpark.
Just logged on page. Made me laugh out loud. Keep them coming.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jul 14, 2020 6:28 pm

I pinched a Barrister's cloak and made a pair of gloves out of it, now I have a law suit on my hands .

lanternhall
Posts: 1080
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:37 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by lanternhall » Tue Jul 14, 2020 6:45 pm

White rabbit walks in pub " Pint of lager and Cheese Toastie please"
Goes on for weeks.
One day goes in " Pint of lager and Cheese Toastie please " Barman says " Sorry no Cheese only Ham" Ok says white rabbit.
Never seen again.

Six Months later Black rabbit walks in same pub " Pint of lager and Cheese Toastie please" Barman says " That's funny. We used to have a white rabbit came in and asked for same thing."

Black rabbit said "it's me I died." I am a ghost.
Barman said " I am so sorry how?"

" You mixed I my toasties"

Fuggletim
Posts: 350
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:17 pm

My Uncle had the heart of a lion!

He also had an lifetime injunction banning him from Longleat.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jul 14, 2020 11:25 pm

lanternhall wrote:
Tue Jul 14, 2020 6:45 pm
White rabbit walks in pub " Pint of lager and Cheese Toastie please"
Goes on for weeks.
One day goes in " Pint of lager and Cheese Toastie please " Barman says " Sorry no Cheese only Ham" Ok says white rabbit.
Never seen again.

Six Months later Black rabbit walks in same pub " Pint of lager and Cheese Toastie please" Barman says " That's funny. We used to have a white rabbit came in and asked for same thing."

Black rabbit said "it's me I died." I am a ghost.
Barman said " I am so sorry how?"

" You mixed I my toasties"
Definitely been done that one. Good though.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jul 14, 2020 11:26 pm

Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice-cream sundae and a lemon cheesecake...

I thought to myself "the streets are strangely desserted”.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:21 am

Have you ever wondered why pizzas are round, get delivered in a square box and get cut into triangles?

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:23 am

People laugh at my car because it's ugly and green...

But at least I avocado!

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:25 am

Me: What's the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first.

Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.

Barman: Is Pepsi okay?

Me: Sure. How much is that?

Barman: £3.

Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?

Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:26 am

Last Christmas I bought the mother-in-law a parrot...

Two weeks later she brought it round saying "It's rubbish , it doesn't saying anything!"

The parrot pipes up, "I haven't had a bloody chance!"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2075
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jul 15, 2020 8:32 am

I just changed my computer login password to 'Alcatraz' and now the 'Esc' button won't work?

Calling the shots
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:46 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Calling the shots » Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:46 am

I was taking the M6 out of Birmingham.

The Police told me to put it back.

Calling the shots
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:46 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Calling the shots » Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:51 am

I was trying to gather up all of my old consoles the other day. It was a Wii union

Calling the shots
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:46 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Calling the shots » Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:54 am

What is Wigan Athletic's favourite half time drink?

7 up

Calling the shots
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:46 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Calling the shots » Wed Jul 15, 2020 11:59 am

Books that were never published

"Infrastructure" by Bill Ding
"Lasagne" by Carl Hickbread
"How to start your five a day" by Ben Arner
"The Best Biscuits ever" by Rich T
"Just Kidding" by Joe King
"Not an iPhone" by Sam Sung
"Chocolate" by Fred O. Barr and Amil Keeway
"Gardening" by Ray King
"Scary Dinosaurs" by Terry Dactill


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