Boom Boom

[Calling the shots]

I used to work in a bank but soon lost interest. To be honest though, i don't think I was a good investment.

[Calling the shots]

I don't understand why they keep delaying these procrastinators anonymous meetings

[Calling the shots]

I have never ever ever ever ever exaggerated

[Anon E Mouse]

ʇɐɥʇ ǝʞᴉl pǝʇlᴉʇ pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ ɥʇᴉʍ pᴉdnʇs ʞool noʎ

[Anon E Mouse]

I failed my German language exam today.............Sacre Bleu!

[Anon E Mouse]

Breaking news...The managing director of Dulux Paints has been found dead at the top of Ben Nevis, suffering from hypothermia. ..Doctor's have said,he could have done with another coat...

[Anon E Mouse]

There’s a third off all books at Waterstones. I’ve just bought “The Lion, The Witch.... “

[Anon E Mouse]

Breaking News. Scientists have made cars that can run on parsley. They are now trying to make trains that can run on thyme .

[Calling the shots]

I got sacked from my job as a church window cleaner because I got rid of all the stains.

[Calling the shots]

I'm not sure whether you've been to the RSPCA headquarters recently, but there's barely any room to swing a cat

[Calling the shots]

My wife left me because I wouldn't listen to her, or something like that.

[Calling the shots]

My friend is half British and half Indian. He's called Brian.

[Anon E Mouse]

So calling the Shots. It’s good to have some joke company. I see you are new around here yet feels familiar.

[Anon E Mouse]

Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist.

I regretted it one minute later.

[Anon E Mouse]

I saw an advert saying; ‘Hairpieces from £5’.

I thought ‘that’s a small price toupee’...