Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Apr 26, 2021 10:44 pm

I started collecting badgers a few months ago ,
I only need one more and I've got the whole sett

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Apr 26, 2021 10:45 pm

My best mate is ambidextrous...and illiterate.. it’s a double tragedy.. he can’t write with both hands

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Apr 26, 2021 10:47 pm

Last night I snoozed off on a bed of rice...

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pilau.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Apr 26, 2021 10:48 pm

Went to a restaurant last night and they had ‘Napoleon Chicken’ on the menu.

I asked the waiter what this was, he said; “There’s no meat - only the boney part...”

Fuggletim
Posts: 702
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Apr 27, 2021 6:37 pm

My Doctor told me he thinks I suffer from paranoia. I asked him what made him say that?

Fuggletim
Posts: 702
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Wed Apr 28, 2021 8:06 pm

McDonalds have announced they are introducing a new range of burgers in tribute to rock bands. The first one is a tribute to the Rolling Stones and is called the McJagger.....

Fuggletim
Posts: 702
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:36 pm

They also have a new fish meal called McKerel...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri Apr 30, 2021 2:24 pm

I've been prescribed anti-gloating cream...

I can't wait to rub it in.

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 822
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Fri Apr 30, 2021 4:11 pm

I’ve just been served under cooked chicken in my local KFC.

Angry?

I was spitting feathers.

Fuggletim
Posts: 702
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sat May 01, 2021 1:52 pm

I once woke up during an operation! The other Surgeon and the anesthatist said that if I hadn't, we might have lost the patient!

DH
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:18 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by DH » Sun May 02, 2021 2:49 pm

Went to my doctor and told him I was feeling really ill. High temperature, bad cough, couldn’t breathe.

He asked if I’d had a sudden loss of taste.

I said no. I’ve been dressing like this for years.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 02, 2021 3:37 pm

“Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet ostrich."

Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"

“He's holding his head to one side."

Vet: “Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"

“Haven't you got anything sooner?".

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4166
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 02, 2021 4:12 pm

Sad to inform you that the Devon and Cornwall Music Festival has been cancelled.

Organisers couldn't decide whether to put The Jam or Cream on last.

DH
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:18 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by DH » Sun May 02, 2021 5:24 pm

A mate told me I should treat my wife the same as I did on our first date.

So tonight I'm taking her for an Italian meal then dropping her off at her parents house.

Shots1954
Posts: 842
Joined: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:31 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Shots1954 » Sun May 02, 2021 6:55 pm

Only in Aldershot I swear!! I have just been to the Shell garage for petrol and I've seen 2 police were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up. I thought, is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there?! . I minded my own business put 30 quid in and went inside to pay. As I was paying I heard the crazy bitch screaming!! I’m talking violent death screams! I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire!!!! She was swinging her arm, running around. I ran outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and put her in the police car. I was a bit shocked, couldn't believe they arrested her, surely she ought to be in an ambulance, not a police car? Me being nosey as I am, I asked the policeman what they were arresting her for.. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM”!!


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