Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Jul 11, 2021 11:19 am

My wife said she wanted to be treated for her birthday.

So I painted her with Cuprinol.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Jul 11, 2021 11:20 am

Why do they hold London's major racquet sports tournament in Wimbledon, SW19?.

Shouldn't it be NE1 for tennis?

mountpleasant61
Posts: 131
Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:25 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by mountpleasant61 » Tue Jul 13, 2021 7:35 am

Polish divorce.
A polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyers office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer told him getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and went on to ask him the following questions.
Have you any grounds?
Yes, replied the man - an acre and a half and a nice little house.
No. I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete the man replied.
I don't think you understand, Does either of you have a grudge?
No, we have a carport so don't need a garage.
I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations are still in Poland the man replied.
Is there infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.
Is your wife a nagger?
No. she white.
Does your wife beat you up?
No. I always up before her.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof- She going to poison me. She buy a bottle from the drug store and put it on a shelf in the bathroom. I can read.
It say" Polish Remover"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jul 13, 2021 2:41 pm

I was so worried the mechanic would rip me off because I confessed I knew nothing about cars...

Imagine my relief when he said I only needed indicator fluid.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jul 13, 2021 3:39 pm

My wife bought a new oven glove in a bright yellow colour. I kept making puns about it, and now she's not talking to me...

I probably did take it too far, I mustard mitt!

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri Jul 16, 2021 10:31 pm

Every morning when I leave the house for work, I get hit by the same bike. Every morning!

What a vicious cycle.

Chalkie
Posts: 129
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:50 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Chalkie » Fri Jul 16, 2021 11:31 pm

I'm in trouble with the wife again....
I bought her some lorry oil for her birthday....
Apparently it's pronounced L'Oreal...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Jul 17, 2021 8:47 am

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’...

I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

Fuggletim
Posts: 837
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sat Jul 17, 2021 9:50 am

I see that "English Heritage" have decided that putting a plaque outside the house of the inventor of the electric toothbrush is totally inappropriate......

HarryTom
Posts: 459
Joined: Tue Jun 12, 2018 3:18 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by HarryTom » Sat Jul 17, 2021 1:04 pm

I bought myself an English Stationary Set yesterday, unfortunately, it was missing 3 Pens !!

Fuggletim
Posts: 837
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Jul 18, 2021 12:55 pm

I was on a flight once and I said to a member of the Cabin Crew that I wanted to make a complaint about the airline. I told her, I always got the same seat; I never get see the movies, I can't put the blind down and go to sleep and I never get a meal the same as anyone else's!

Then she reminded me I was the First Officer.......

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jul 20, 2021 8:14 pm

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD...

I told her to close the door five times on her way out!

Fuggletim
Posts: 837
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Wed Jul 21, 2021 11:50 am

After 10 x years as a taxidermist, I decided to re-train as a Vet.

I have successfully combined both business with the guarantee that "Whatever happens, you will get your cat back!"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 4578
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Wed Jul 21, 2021 12:25 pm

A goose was standing on the side of the road waiting to cross…

A chicken behind him says, "I wouldn't mate. You'll never hear the blooming last of it!"

Fuggletim
Posts: 837
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Wed Jul 21, 2021 3:48 pm

I was at Gatwick Airport the other day and saw an aircraft made out of bubbly chocolate. I think it was an "Aeroplane."


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