Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[hepcat]

Yesterday was awful!

First I got into fight with a man dressed as Shakespeare, then I almost choked on a German sausage.

It just went from bard to wurst.

Speaking of Shakespeare , I heard you solved the age old mystery of who wrote Hamlet-Shakespeare or Bacon-proving beyond doubt it was WS. After your performance in the lead role, they opened up Shakespeare and Bacon's graves and it was Shakespeare that was spinning.

[Fuggletim]

I fell asleep in the pub last week, so someone chucked a pint of Guinness over me! It was quite a brewed awakening!

[steveshot]

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

[Fuggletim]

A horse walks into a bar. That’s why I lost out on an Olympic medal in the Equestrian event at London 2012…..

[steveshot]

An old woman walks into the dentists room, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said ‘ I think you have the wrong room’
You put in my husbands teeth last week, she replied. Now you have to remove them.

[Chalkie]

A husband and wife were golfing, when suddenly the wife asks, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
The husband said "No Sweetie."
The woman said "I'm sure you would."
So the man said "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

[Anon E Mouse]

Puns about ‘Riverdance’?

I flatley refuse to post them.

[Anon E Mouse]

Most ornamental figurines found in gardens are only 30 cm tall and wear red hats.

It’s a little gnome fact...

[Richard Petty]

I'm really disappointed with the new Haribo Star Wars sweets collection…

They're all chewy!

[Richard Petty]

Highlighter pens are going to be a real problem one day, mark my words!

[Richard Petty]

I was buying my wife some underwear. I asked the shop assistant, "Are these knickers satin?"

"No," she said. "They're brand new!"

[Richard Petty]

Received a text from the wife saying she was breaking up with me…

Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later she texted 'Sorry I sent that to the wrong number'!

[Old Bob]

I was buying my wife some underwear. I asked the shop assistant, "Are these knickers satin?"

"No," she said. "They're brand new!"

The old ones are the best, Richard

[Richard Petty]

I was buying my wife some underwear. I asked the shop assistant, "Are these knickers satin?"

"No," she said. "They're brand new!"

The old ones are the best, Richard

I would like to think you are referring to the joke but I suspect your referring to the knickers

[Graham Stovold]

During a round of golf one of a foursome of ladies teed off but sliced her shot into a group of men playing at an adjacent hole.She saw one of the group collapse to the ground in agony clutching his groin with both hands.Worried about his wellbeing she went over to enquire about his situation.The man was groaning in agony.The woman explained that she was a physiotherapist and would be prepared to assist to see if she could relieve his pain.The man,who was in considerable pain,refused but the lady insisted and he allowed her to see how she could help.She loosened his clothing and proceeded to massage gently the affected area.After a few minutes the lady asked the man how he was feeling after her treatment.
The man replied,"Very nice,thank you.But I still think my thumb is broken."