Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Birdman]

I bought a greyhound yesterday.

My wife said, "Are you going to race him?"

I said, "No, he’s much faster than me!"

Flippin’ ‘eck, Richard, Mousey used that one on Saturday. It’s even on the same page.

[Richard Petty]

I bought a greyhound yesterday.

My wife said, "Are you going to race him?"

I said, "No, he’s much faster than me!"

Flippin’ ‘eck, Richard, Mousey used that one on Saturday. It’s even on the same page.

His Greyhound was was quicker than mine

Ah well they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, does copying a joke count

[Fuggletim]

The ball came over and before it could bounce, I kicked it back with such power it sailed over the other players straight into the top right hand corner of the net! Ecstatic, even though I knew I would get a yellow card, I took my shirt off and went running over the screaming fans.

It was at that point, the team Captain said:

“Tim: you just don’t get the rules of Volleyball, do you?”

[Anon E Mouse]

My cat has just eaten three mallards!

He's a duck filled fatty puss.

[Fuggletim]

I have invented a pen which has a small bell at the end of it. The patent is pen ding…….

[Richard Petty]

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “I am leaving you, this isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

[Richard Petty]

It’s really important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

[Fuggletim]

Went and visited the house where I grew up in Hindhead. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in and have a look round for nostalgia’s sake. There was an abrupt “No! Clear off or I’ll call the Police!”

Never really did get on with my Mum……

[Fuggletim]

A van carrying copies of “Roget’s Thesarus” has overturned on the way to Waterstones in Farnham. Witnesses were said to be shocked, stunned, stupefied, dumbstruck, amazed, mortified, and horrified!

[South Coast Shot]

I tried to take a selfie in the shower before, I wasn’t happy with it cos it came out all blurry.

I've got selfie steam issues.

[Chalkie]

I received a text today from my girlfriend saying she was breaking up with me.

Image how relieved I was, when a couple of minutes later she texted "Sorry wrong number".

[South Coast Shot]

Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price & heavier than Alan Price.....

I found that out on a Price comparison website....

[Fuggletim]

New historical research has revealed Norman soldiers eat small trays of Spanish food immediately prior to the 1066 Battle of Hastings. This detail was found in a close look at the Bayeaux Tapas Tray….

[Anon E Mouse]

It was 11 years ago today that my pal Jeremy came running out of the room with tears in his eyes shouting 'it's a boy, it's a boy'.

Last time we go to Thailand.

[Anon E Mouse]

I once went for a job interview to be the 4th band member of A-Ha but they refused to take on me...